don't touch my asana!

We had a substitute yoga teacher last week. He was a little bossy but he seemed to know what he was doing—which was good because I hadn't been to class in almost a month and so, yes, I sucked. But that class was most irregular.

It started with the forward bend. I was bent over, happily grasping my toes and enjoying the stretch in my hamstrings, when I felt someone press against me from behind. He had his hands on my hips—to straighten them out, of course. He pushed me down further. And I could hear him say, "Rest your weight on the balls of your feet. Don't fight. I won't let you go. O, you're fighting..."

Mister, you are a strange man pressing the length of your well-muscled leg against the length of mine. We are bent over. You are saying things that remind me of how I like it. How exactly am I supposed to achieve enlightenment when you're chakra's messin' with mine?

When it was time for one of the triangle pose, I felt him again. All of him. (And he accidentally grazed my boob.)

Finally he told me to sit on the floor and "Lean back. Hands 12 inches apart. Now lift your buttocks." So I'm in a reverse push-up. Then he stands over me, straddling me, puts both hands on my hips and LIFTS me up for 5 breaths. Puñeta isipin mo muna kung anong itsura nun. Tama ba iyan? Di ko kasi alam…

To give this story a happy ending, it turns out that Mr. Yoga is gay. Wala sa kanya ang mag-touchy-feely kasi pareho kaming girl. And a friend told me that some yoga teachers really do correct you that way.

But let me make my point. I didn't know he was gay and I didn't know that that was standard practice because none of my other teachers adjusted me like that. I know it wasn't malicious, just thoughtless— the difference between someone vandalizing your furniture and someone putting up their dirty be-sneakered feet on your coffee table.
 
You need to be mindful of how you affect your students. If you're a man teaching women, que ver kung bakla ka, you've got equipment that is biologically designed to affect us.

Kaya, Mare, hinay-hinay lang.