Dear Franny…
I've been feeling disconnected and in need of healthy karma; and since people have told me that I'm nurturing and that I give good advice, I offer my services, my (scant) expertise, my bleeding heart to the world.
Post, PM, or email frances.ong@gmail.com—it can be about anything you're having trouble with (love, pesky co-workers, the choice between curtains and roman shades)—and I'll try to answer to the best of my abilities without repeating tiresome clichés. I've only tried this with people I know so I can't promise you any sort of satisfaction. But let's try, shall we?
Labingly urs,
Franny
*Let me know if you want me to post our correspondence or if you wish to keep things private. But if you're a murderer, a child molester, a serial criminal (you get the picture) I will not protect you because the point of this experiment is to help. If you wish to remain anonymous, you can create an alternative email address and use a fake name.
Labels: dearfranny
posted by fran @ 6:54 PM
9 comments
9 Comments:
you're so full of good vibes. i'm attracted to you. hehe. :D
and so i've been feeling shitty lately. It's normal naman when you're dealing with death. Do you have GV for me?
mwah
If by G.V. you mean good vibes, yes Dearest, I lit a rocket full of G.V. and aimed it in the direction of your heart. (Nag-dance-dance pa ako habang inisip kita.) :D
Do you need suggestions on how to cheer up? Or have you decided to let the shitty feelings run their course?
Each time you post about your papa, I get teary-eyed and I hug mine as hard as I can. Kasi magkakampi din kami. At magkamuka din kami—eek! (Sorry, Papa! Guapo ka pero di ka pretty.) We are lucky to have great fathers. And we are fabulous diyosas because our fathers once said so. (Ok, Papa never really used the word 'diyosa' but you get what I mean, right?
Kitty, I hope the shitty feelings turn into something beautiful and happy very soon. If you need a hug, a(nother) partner in kabaklaan, or a shoulder to cry on (oops cliché!), twiddle your fingers in my direction and say 'yoohoo…'
aww. oo nga. you're words are sincere and original. :D
ok na advice column to ha!
Seriously, thank you for this. Aww. hug your daddy tight! and yes we're lucky to have great dads. I'm trying so much make something good about what i'm feeling. but for now, i'll just let it flow out. Sorry medyo ma-angst nga and emo mga post ko. yuck oa naman ang emo. heeh.
yes yoohoo! i need a hug. heehee.
mwah!
P.S.
to shirley, your besty's awesome!
truth be told, habang ginagawa ko yung reply ko sa iyo, naluluha ang lola mo kasi closet emo siya. *oh the pain, the drama!* but if anyone is worth crying over, it's Dadu, kasi siya ang first lab mo.
alam mo, kapag in the mood ka, mag-bonding tayo tungkol sa mga dadu-dearest natin. because i'm SURE marami kang kuwento tungkol kay Renato. Ako naman maraming, ehem, anecdotes tungkol kay Roberto. pero only when you're up to it. HUGS! HUGS! HUGS! SQUEEEZE!
this is a great way to spend my evenings. people think i play dear abby because i'm nice. di totoo yun. maldita ako. masaya lang ang non-material dividends. ;)
Boys, Men and Closet Queens who have daughters: Every morning, sabihin mo sa anak mo na beauty queen siya. Na siya ang Ms. Universe ng buhay mo. Na siya ang pinaka-(insert kick-ass superlative here) sa buong mundo. And treat her accordingly. Tell her that if a man doesn't respect her or treat her as well as her father does, di yun lalaki, bulate yun. (Feel free to translate or paraphrase.)
you are soo cute franny!
yeah, paglipat namin ni shirley. Come visit us and we'll bond over how cute our dadus are. hee hee. :D
You're really good at this! hahahaha
You really do have a talent for it. And when people know you as non-judgmental... ;)
Sorry about last night... had to make dinner and clean up and just about collapsed after. :(
it's ok dearest. i had lots to do last night, as you can see :P
come home soon! :*
dear franny,
i can't get over this boy. i am still in love with him. we pretend to be friends but we cannot stand to be near each other because... because... there's so much attraction between us.
i can't get him out of my head! how shall i deal with this?
labs, herbie
Dear Herbie,
The first question I would ask any friend in this situation (and yes, you are legion) is 'why'?
If you were in love with him once and there is still an attraction, why are you not together?
And if you can't be together, and you can't stand to be near each other because of the past, why rush into friendship?
Because I don't know the details, I'm hesitant to advise you cold. For a more thoughtful analysis, you can email the story to frances.ong@gmail.com. But if what you've posted here is all I need to know, here goes:
1. You need to know what you want.
Do you want him? Can you have him? Can you stand to tell him so?
Do you want to get over him? And move on to another boy, another story?
2. If you decide that you want him (parang choose-your-own-adventure) you could tell him and attempt to work it out. This is risky— excruciating if he says no. But this is the only responsible advice I can give you for option A.
However, if you decide that what you want is to get over him, get away from him. You can't be 'just-friends' right away because you're still the girl he fell for and he's the boy you can't get over. You need to outgrow each other.
I'm not saying that lovers can't be (good) friends—I'm living proof that this is possible. But rushing into friendship, after all that's passed between you, will only hurt. I can imagine you during small talk, distracted by the shape of his lips or his smell. God knows what HE'S thinking when you sit next to him. I can also imagine how much it hurts when you realize this yearning leads nowhere.
Get away from him! For now.
Right now, I'm pulling a few advice column clichés because they're necessary: Focus on yourself. You need to figure out who you are without him. Don't even think of jumping into the next relationship.
And when you start to feel strong and happy, don't think: Maybe we can be friends again. Recovering alcoholics have been known to express a similar sentiment regarding booze. Put any thought or hope of him out of your mind. The objective of this recovery is NOT to be friends with him, the objective is to be good on your own. If you become friends after all this, that's a blessing.
Progress is when you forget his birthday.
Getting him out of your head is tricky. This is what works for me:
1. Don't fight it. Don't push it away. If you remember something he did or said, let it be.
Don't think: Oh that'll never happen again!
Think: That happened. Nice… You might be surprised to find that you can smile.
2. I plunge myself into work. I get things done. It comforts me to know that even when my heart is in Gehenna, my house is in order. (Madness? This is Sparta, Baby!)
3. Be very, very good to yourself.
4. Make a list of everyone else who's important to you and try doing something nice for them. They were a big part of you before he came along, and they'll help fill the gaps he left behind.
Herbie, I hope that some of this makes sense and that you feel better soon. Feel free to send a follow-up post/email if you need to talk some more, ok?
Lab,
Franny
PS: There's a Jerry Spinnelli book called Love, Stargirl. It's helping my best friend make sense of her heartache and I wonder if it'll help you…
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