A Dog So Small... (my apologies to Philippa Pearce)

I took Stubby to the vet last night and she took us to a whole new level of closeness. I'm posting this because dog owners who don't know this should know this. And because I'm a bit sick.

A Dog So Small

maamfran: so it was really cute because the vets remembered Mr. Stubbs right away. and there was a really friendly cat named—get this, Sexy Girl who was palling it up with us.
vahvels: cute name!
maamfran: we gave him some meds (he likes cherry flavored antibiotics *rethc*
maamfran: retch*
maamfran: and then i asked the vet abt a delicate matter: anal sacs
vahvels: hahahahahaha
vahvels: and then?
maamfran: well the vet says "Ah yes... do you want me to show you how to clean them?"
maamfran: and she icks him u and takes him back to the table. ulp.
vahvels: she icks him u?
vahvels: ah, picks him up
vahvels: and then?
maamfran: ok background. i bought this book on basset hound care and they mentioned that i have to clean Stubby's anal sacs. They're two little pouches right by the anus that fill up with fluid. If not cleaned and cleared regularly, it could be uncomfortable for Stubby. the vet explained that dogs used this to mark territory but since theyv been domesticated, they dnt use it as much.
vahvels: ewwww gross
maamfran: they squirt the fluid wen theyr scared or nervous. and jp remembers the smell from the breeders garage.
maamfran: anyway, the vet puts on these clear plastic gloves. so you know this is going to be serious wicked gross.
maamfran: and she takes a wad of toilet paper and says "OBSERVE!"
maamfran: no she didnt really say that, i just thought it would be funny if she did. 
vahvels: hahahahahaha
vahvels: okay, i thought she did nga
maamfran: hemmingwayz, she says, "3 o clock and 7 o clock position, put your fingers like so. and squeeze firmly but gently."
maamfran: and oh my god. SPLAT.
maamfran: it lookd like cheap watered down caramel sauce. but of course it wasn't.
maamfran: and the SMELL.
maamfran: and one squirt was not enough 
maamfran: i ran out of there. the horror, the horror!
vahvels: where does it squirt out? the top? the bottom? can you duck the squirts? eeeeeee!
maamfran: Aaaaaaaaaagh! 
vahvels: and how often do you need to do this?
maamfran: it squirted out. it was like squirting a humopongous boil!  (hi marjorie!)
maamfran: it squirts out his ass
maamfran: and i need to do this once a month.
maamfran: or i can pay the vet 250 to do it for me. 
maamfran: im thinking of the latter option.
vahvels: yeah, 250 once a month isn't bad
vahvels: haha, i must ask mikah if they know about the anal sacs on sam
maamfran: and as she's matter of factly squeezing away, she explaining how we dnt want this stuff to get pastey
maamfran: hehehehe
maamfran: and im like *ulp* 
maamfran: woah jo, it was the smell of infection
vahvels: pastey!!!!
maamfran: malangsa, mapanghe, mabantot! aaaaah!
maamfran: yeah apparently if u dnt clear it and it builds up it gets a thick consistency. it might signal an infection. eep!
maamfran: if it gets infected or if too much fluid builds up, dogs exhibit "scooting" behaviour. that's wen they drag their butts acroos the floor.
maamfran: across*
maamfran: and the vet says to Stubby in a mock scolding voice: this is an awful lot of fluid for a puppy ha?!?!?!?
maamfran: and Stubby just takes it in stride.
maamfran: this dog is so chill, the first time the vet put a thermometer up his butt he fell asleep.
vahvels: hahahahahaha
vahvels: good for Stubbs!
maamfran: maybe i SHOULD have named him Rock Hudson after all.
maamfran: tsktsktsk...